(no subject)

[bloodandflowers]

He doesn't know how much time has passed, only that it's dark again, and the brown bottle he'd magicked from the pub below his rooms is dwindling. Kell throws an arm over his eyes and tries to drift, to stay half asleep where he can't remember why his eyes burn or his chest aches, but the memories of the wedding rise up to claim him all the same.

Just go, Kell, his mind helpfully supplies in Lila's voice, and Kell makes a brief, miserable sound, too worn now to weep anymore. He rolls over and examines his whiskey. After another sleep, he'll have to get more. He takes a gulp of it and puts it down, taking up the ornament Sirius had bought him and nearly been robbed of instead. Kell runs his thumb down its strange edges, holding it loosely as he closes his eyes to chase more oblivion.

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[thebloodtraitor]

Kell's arms are covered in blood, his hands pressed to the wall just as before only now with the feather clinging to his bloodied fingers. He whispers the incantation, presses against the unforgiving wall.

And still nothing changes.

When he speaks again, Sirius hears the words as though he's under water. His vision swims, knees threatening to buckle. Before him, Kell is a mess of blood, still swaying in place and surge of anger rises up inside him. After everything, after everything--

"No," he breathes with a quick shake of his head. Panic wraps tight around his throat and his heart pounds louder. "No, he's-- It's the magic. It's not strong enough. If only I had my bloody wand."

[bloodandflowers]

The words hit Kell like a slap, a hand his grieving friend never meant to form, Kell knows, but he snarls and rights himself, grabbing Sirius to press his hand to the bloody wall. He is not too weak, and neither is his magic.

"As Enose," says Kell, concentrating his mind on that slim little stick that means everything to Sirius, "As Travars."


The wall ripples and allows them through, and on the other side Kell finally topples, landing loose limbed next to a long, elegantly crafted stick of wood.

[thebloodtraitor]

A look passes over Kell's face, an expression Sirius isn't certain he's ever seen on him before, as he grabs Sirius by the wrist and presses his hand to the wall. Smears of blood fill Sirius's vision as he hears Kell spit another incantation and the world suddenly tilts and ripples around them.

They spill into an alleyway, dropped hard onto wet pavement where upon lies Sirius's wand in a muddied puddle.

Or at least what remains of it.

"Merlin," Sirius breathes in horror, grabbing the upper half of what was once his wand, still etched in intricate runes, the core of it missing entirely. It feels impossibly light in his hand and not merely because it's been broken in half. His stomach twists, the dread in his belly boiling over into a wave of panic as he looks up.

Kell stands before him bloodied and worn, exhausted and shredded by his own magic. A magic that could bring them to Sirius's wand but not to Harry. Not for any failing of Kell's magic but simply... simply because there's no longer a Harry to be found.

The realization crashes down upon him, blood draining from his face as he stumbles back, crashing against the brick wall behind him and crumpling to the ground.

[bloodandflowers]

Kell drags himself up on an elbow, and any joy or justice he might have found in locating Sirius' wand is snuffed like a light when he sees Sirius' face. He crawls forward, crouched before Sirius with an expression of agony that can only touch on the pain on his friend's face, for his mind has made the same connection.

He could find the wand, because it is still here to find. Not so for Sirius' godson. "I'm sorry," he says. "Sirius, I'm sorry."

[thebloodtraitor]

Sirius can only shake his head again, hands wrapping tight around his broken wand as the panic builds in his throat. It's a sensation he hasn't felt since he was last at Godric's Hollow, when he found the little bungalow aflame and James and Lily...

"No," he says, his voice trembling as he meets Kell's worried eyes. His friend is a bloodied mess, his arms in shreds because of Sirius and for no reason at all. Sirius shakes his head, hair falling into his watering eyes. "No, he's-- He can't be gone. Kell."

[bloodandflowers]

And yet he is. Kell knew it on that very first try, he just didn't want to admit it to himself. He'd wanted to save Sirius from this, but he can't. All he can do is sit next to him, shoulder to shoulder on the dirty alley floor.

"I'm sorry," he says again. "They say it happens all the time here, I - " Kell falters. "He couldn't have wanted to leave you."

[thebloodtraitor]

Sirius is well aware it happens, he's heard talk of it himself from a number of sources. But it's not something he's let himself truly think about for some time. After all, if he's to leave this place, where would he go but to Azkaban? Even if it isn't a matter of choice, even if what Kell says is true, Sirius can't help but wonder. Harry at least has something to return to, a glorious future of sorts.

All Sirius has are steel bars and Dementors.

He opens his mouth in protest again, but the words stay stuck in his throat. Harry's presence here has long felt like a second chance, a redemption of sorts. And that's not fair, is it? Harry welcomed here with open arms and no ill feelings despite being perfectly entitled to more than a few. And what Sirius done but cling to him, to the boy whose parents he killed? Foolishly, Sirius had convinced himself that he could protect Harry here, that he could in some small way right his egregious wrong. But Harry's required no protection; at only eighteen years of age, he's ten times the man Sirius could ever hope to be.

It's difficult to swallow he notes, difficult to breathe and Sirius's chest hitches when he sees the utter mess Kell has made of himself. The mess Sirius had selfishly begged him to make. "Your arms," he whispers, nearly drowning now in guilt and grief both. "Kell, I can't-- without my wand, I can't even--"

[bloodandflowers]

"I'll heal," says Kell, for he will, albeit much more slowly without magic. He will bind his arms and apply his salves, and though it won't be a pleasant recuperation, he'll hardly die.

Kell looks at Sirius' wand, and broken though it is, he can understand the shape of it now - the hollow space meant to be a vessel to contain and focus magic. All that's missing is its center.

"What makes a core for these?"

[thebloodtraitor]

Will he? Kell seems sure, but Sirius still can only stare at the shreds of skin, each cut made at Sirius's request.

And for nothing.

It takes him a moment to realize Kell's asked a question, and his gaze drifts to where his wand lies useless and broken upon the dirty ground, as gutted as Sirius himself. "Mine's dragon heartstring," he explains, his voice dulled now. Empty. "Not all are." It's not exactly replaceable is the thing. And still means next to nothing compared to Harry.

[bloodandflowers]

There are no dragons in Kell's world, but after this long in Darrow, he understands the term, what it means. "There are unicorns here," he says. "Other magical creatures."

It's no fix for the hole in Sirius' life where Harry should be, but it's something. "There's me. An Antari's blood is more rare than any dragon."

[thebloodtraitor]

There are magical things of all sorts, Sirius knows. Kell isn't wrong. But no dragons so far as he's aware. And he's fairly sure there's no wand maker to recreate what he's lost.

Or perhaps there is and he's simply had no need to search them out until now.

"Yours?" Sirius replies then, eyes widening at the suggestion. There's no denying that Kell is a magical thing, and precious, but Sirius has never heard of using blood of any sort before, human or otherwise. He knows of hairs and feathers and heartstrings and he remembers at least reading about bone in one or two, but blood? How might such a thing alter his magic? Would it even work at all?

It's a compelling thought if nothing else.

"Do you know of any wand makers?" he asks, sitting up a bit straighter, the idea enough to momentarily pull him out of his melancholy before he quickly shakes his head. "No, of course not. Why would you? Harry's little shop might have books, though. And I know it has wands, just not my wand."