bloodandflowers | (no subject)

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sirius

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When it takes Kell more than one try to paint the correct symbol for the Bower, he knows he's had too much.

It was meant to be one drink to calm his nerves before going to Sirius. One drink became two, and after two became three it'd been difficult to stop. Now, swaying before the bathroom wall in Semele's, Kell scrunches his nose and tries again.

"One long line," he says as he paints it in red, "Two short, one circle." Apparently the symbol means peace, but Kell chose it for the simple reason that Sirius had once enchanted him to wear a giant medallion with the same symbol, and ever after it's made him smile. And he is smiling as he tumbles through the sudden door in the wall, leaving behind the darkness of Semele's for the twilight of the countryside. It's just that every few moments, the joy in his heart reverts to fear and then back again, until Kell's so giddy and so nervous that he almost wishes he'd never left the bar at all.

It's only when he reaches the Bower's door that he realizes Sirius might be busy. "Saints," Kell mutters, but there's nothing for it now, so he scrubs a hand over his pink face and knocks.

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Despite Kieren's protests, Sirius is working on a spell. He's not told Kieren about it, of course, has decided not to until he's finished and knows for certain it'll work. Whether or not Kieren will actually use it, remains to be seen, of course, but Sirius is quiet intent on it all the same.

And it's not as though he has much else to do.

Engrossed as he is in his book of warding spells, he nearly doesn't hear the knock on his door at all. In truth, at first he mistakes it for simply the sound of a house elf bumping along the place until he remembers he has no house elves and hasn't for quite some time.

Both annoyed with and grateful for the distraction, he pushes himself away from his desk and jogs down the steps, his expression quickly bursting into a bright smile when he finds Kell on the other side as he opens the door. Said smile falters just a bit into something bordering somewhere between worried and intensely amused as he ducks down a bit. "Merlin, are you drunk?"

"Yes," Kell answers, rubbing at his black eye as he, too, ducks, not quite understanding that Sirius is trying to see his face. "I'm hoping you have a spell for that, for I'd like to start again."

He lists forward, catching Sirius by a fistful of his shirt. "Everything is terrible and amazing."

Kell hunches a bit and Sirius laughs, reaching out to cup Kell's face with both hand, skin soft against his palms.

His smile falters for a moment has Kell stumbles a bit into him, grabbing Sirius by the front of his shirt. Because he remembers the last time he'd seen Kell this pissed and that... well, that hadn't been the best.

"Well, that's a bit confusing," he says, not willing to let his smile completely fade just yet as he keeps Kell's face tipped upward so he can get a good look. "Lila's not messed you about again, has she?"

Kell is grateful for Sirius' hands, both cool on his too hot cheeks and steadying, and he smiles. "No, I've messed her about though, not on purpose." He sucks in a breath, wishing now that he hadn't had so much to drink. He's going to be a father, and he'd like to give his best friend a formal announcement.

"Can you spell me sober?" he asks. "I need to tell you something."

Sirius isn't quite certain what that statement could mean. Kell's not the type to do any messing about at all, purposeful or otherwise.

Still, his demeanor is doubtlessly loose and pleasant, the alcohol in his system making his skin warm to the touch. "Why on earth would you want to be sober?" he asks, ignoring the fact that Kell's just told him why.

He steps back, a silent invitation for Kell to follow him inside, closing the door quietly behind him. "Is it not something you can tell me while pissed?"

"I could, but - " begins Kell as he follows Sirius inside, one hand against the wall for balance, but he can't recall why it's a bad idea any longer. It's not hurting him, or Sirius, or Lila, or the baby, or -

Kell stands upright. "Because it isn't fatherly," he recalls aloud. "I'm going to be a father."

There's another moment of hesitation from Kell then, a moment where he seems to be asking himself a question that Sirius isn't privy to.

He thinks nothing of it, really. It's hardly uncommon behavior for Kell; Sirius need only wait it out a bit to see if he might deem to mention anything on his own or if he'll instead need Sirius to needle it out of him.

Apparently, it's the former.

Sirius blinks where he stands, halfway to the kitchen. "Are you serious?" he asks, for once ignoring the obvious pun. "With Lila? You know for certain?"

"I could feel it," says Kell, pulling his hand away from the wall in wonder to press against his stomach. "She came to me with some sort of scrying stick, but even before she used it, I knew. I can feel it in her."

Kell's smile is wobbly but bright. It's strange and new and terrifying, but saints - "I've never had a family."

His smile dims, but only for a moment. "I've no idea what to do."

Sirius's gaze drops to where Kell is pressing lightly against his own stomach and his eyes widen. "You could feel it?" he marvels, once again awed by the breadth of Kell's powers. Perhaps it makes sense with his control over blood, but it's still astounding.

And Kell looks a bit terrified, a bit overwhelmed. But also happy. Perhaps happier than Sirius has ever seen him.

He lets out a laugh then, a sharp bark of a thing as he closes the space between them to grab Kell by the face with two hands. "What do you mean you've no idea what to do? You're going to be a father, Kell! And you'll be fantastic, I just know it. Sensible as you are. It's Lila that's more worrying, isn't it? Is she pleased by the news at all? I'll admit, I can't imagine her as a mother."

"Nor can she," Kell admits with a laugh. "She threw the scrying stick at me. But I think it will be alright. She's always been fierce. When she grows used to the idea, I think she'll be a good mum."

His smile grows wondering again. "I can't feel everyone, but Lila and I have always had a connection. If I had to, I could point my feet in whatever direction she's in and find her. The child was like feeling a bit of my magic somewhere unexpected, but warm and alive."

It's not a difficult thing to imagine at all, Lila throwing any object at Kell, scrying stick or otherwise. In truth, Sirius would assume that's not all she threw, but perhaps she'd been restrained after a time.

Kell's further comment is a bit more interesting and Sirius drops his hands to the man's shoulders, regarding him with a grin. "Are you saying you knew she was pregnant before she did? That you could simply feel it in her?"

Kell shakes his head. "I think she might actually have stabbed me if I told her." He lowers his voice, as if it will somehow make what he says next less painful to hear. "She was speaking with Lily, and Lily puzzled it out."

It might have been one of the last things Lily did before she left this place - it doesn't seem fair that it was Kell who received such happiness, while James and Sirius had only the opposite. "When Lila told me her suspicions, then I knew."

Kell's tone is gentle in that moment, careful, and still the mention of Lily's name is like a load of bricks in his gut. It hasn't been long since here disappearance and James is still rightfully struggling with it. It's been all Sirius can do to get him out of the house at times, yet part of him wonders if, once again, it's largely his fault. After all, Harry disappeared as well. And now Lily. The only constant, so far, is Sirius.

"Suppose that is the kind of thing a woman would know," he says, trying for lighthearted once more even as it falls a bit flat. "And it's a bit less creepy as well. You can really feel it though? Wiggling about in there?"

"I think it's too small to wriggle, yet," says Kell, smiling more easily again. That being said, he does have a lot to read up on - maybe it is big enough to wiggle. Maybe it even has fingers and toes. It's an enchanting thought, but one that Kell brushes off for a bigger topic.

"We don't really have godparents in my world," he says, feeling his eyes grow hot, of all things. "Guardians and wards, certainly, but nothing like you were to Harry. I'd be honored if you could be that again for my child."

Despite being about for all of Lily's pregnancy, but he hadn't been particularly involved in any way beyond noticing the slow swell of her belly or the careful way she carried herself in the later months. He remember getting to feel Harry's kicking at one point, an act that had always delighted him even as it seemed to occasionally exhaust Lily.

But he'd never really understood all the details of pregnancy. It wasn't the details that enchanted him, after all. He'd just been eager.

It's clear by Kell's tone and expression that he's eager as well and likely already knows much more about the actual biology than Sirius does. And perhaps that makes sense, given his magic and all. His connection with blood and bone. He's so busy pondering that, for a moment, Kell's statement hardly registers.

Then-- "Do you mean it?" he asks, blinking as the words form and lightness blossoms behind his breastbone. Followed immediately by a stab of fear. "Just-- Are you sure? I'll remind you that my last go at that didn't end well for anyone at all. There are much better candidates, I'm certain."

"Sirius," says Kell, taking hm by the shoulders, "You were betrayed by someone you trusted and the most evil and powerful magician of your world - I think you can be forgiven." James has, he thinks, and Lily, and Harry, too, but Kell also knows that the only forgiveness that can truly help Sirius now is Sirius' own.

Perhaps this small act of faith will help, and Kell couldn't bestow it on a worthier friend. "You're my dearest friend. I'd not have anyone else."

Kell's not wrong, he knows, but the very fact that Sirius had trusted Peter is the very crux of the matter. And it'd been his idea to change the whole plan. Sometimes he still lies awake at night wondering on how different all their lives would have been had he not made that single decision.

But, everything here is different anyhow, he's learned. Life here is different.

There's a sincerity in Kell's tone, as well. It's not much different from his normal speaking voice as Kell is never anything but entirely sincere, but there's still something a little more behind it and Sirius pulls in a breath as he pushes his shoulders back.

"I'd be honoured," he declares, wholly sincere himself for a change. "And I promise I'll never do a thing to put the child in danger. You have my word." He pauses then, lips twitching into the barest smile as a thought occurs to him. "Have you passed this by Lila yet?"

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